Wow... I didn't realize that my blog last night would hit home to so many, and I am glad that I finally opened up with my emotions and shared it with the world. My Nan used to say, a problem shared is a problem halved, and you know, it helped me with the emotions.
I do believe that anyone who is facing the next year with change, it's hard and it's always this time of the year that feelings and emotions surface as we reflect back upon what we achieved in the last year. It's the ending of a decade and also a trying time for many people and next year is the start of something new. We have to honor though the emotions and feelings that we have towards this year.
For me there has been an enormous amount of change. I love change and deal with it very well however there are times that it hits me, just like it has over the last few days. So I gave in to my feelings again today. Fortunately Charlie was taken care of, so I was free to feel the emotion and pain...
Through the pain and the tears I realized that not only was I trying to internalize what had happened recently but I was also grieving for many things in my life, not only this year, but this decade. We have to look at the bigger picture here, and it's a changing shift of energy and as we change decades the energy is growing stronger and stronger. It's not easy to deal with change as it is, but this is such a powerful transformation that we are all going through that it's been hard on many of us, and especially this year as we say goodbye to it.
I have had lots of emotions to deal with over the last 6 months and this is something that has been hard, and having to face facts that my marriage was over, was the toughest thing I have ever had to do. It was something that I had to look at and deal with… I could't let it drag on and on, and finally letting go enabled us both to be released and to be free and to find happiness in other directions.
It's something that was hard, but being able to face it head on is a gift in itself, so many people know that they are unhappy yet they are reluctant to do anything about it, they continue about their day, knowing that it's going to end, but not dealing with it, facing it and honoring what it was… Because what the relationship was… was a beautiful union of love and friendship that lasted it's course, fulfilled contract of what was set. Two people were bought together for a reason and when that reason is through it's time to face the situation and admit, that it's over… Done!
I am so happy that Kev and I have released each other for a new pathway and journey through life, because why stay and make each other unhappy. I know that this is going to hit home to many people and I recently said to a very special friend of mine that I 'press buttons' and I do… but I do it for a reason, I have always done it to help people see for themselves the situation that they are in. Yes it's not easy and pressing buttons can often come back and bite me in the bum… but that is a risk I take to ensure that someone else is fulfilling their pathway and are continuing throughout their journey in the way that they need to. I will never make a decision for someone but I will make them see it from a different angle and it's up to them to decide if they can stay there or not.
This is the real test…. do you look it in the eye and face it, or do you bury your head in the sand, waiting for the 'right' time, where really there is no right time… the right time is now!
The universe, spirits, angels will all give you signs that you are on the right pathway. all day today I have seen the signs. But you have to look for them and notice them and not put it down to coincidence. For instance, I was talking to a friend about my upset with another friend recently and I knew I had to talk to this person, and I needed a sign, and out of no where a tiny white feather floated down and landed on me.
I needed a sign on whether to send an email or wait, and even though I was told to wait by my guides, I needed confirmation, I decided to sent it, but suddenly the internet connection kept dropping and I wasn't able to send the email on my phone, when I went to my computer, I logged in to my emails, there was the email that I needed to see! If I had sent the previous one, I don't think I would have gotten the answer that I needed.
It's been a day of signs, down to asking for guidance and confirming things for me, when people have emailed, or my ipod is on shuffle and it plays a significant piece of music that relates to the circumstance, just confirm that my feelings are right, a saying that my grandfather used to say to me all the time, I heard by a few people who I was passing. These were signs that I needed that helped me release the emotions and the heavy sobs that followed me throughout my day.
I will be the first one to admit, I am a cry baby, and I love it, I like to cry, I release so much, and today was the day that I released… Jeez… did it come out… I thought yesterday was bad but this… well it was like the main water pipe had burst… Proper lung heaving sobs, big wet delicious tears rolled down my cheeks… but it was good. It was SO SO good. I realized that I was not only dealing with this recent situation but everything else that had landed on my shoulders in the last year… I caved and sobbed with my girls in the office… oh the girls… my saviors. Caroline, Trish and Jonesy what would I do without them. They finally sat me down and told me (again) that I wasn't super woman, and that I had to honor my feelings and grieve.
And so I did, and I have and I continue to do so. I am not scared to embrace these feelings and be honest with myself or someone else. I realize that they are my feelings and they need to be honored. I told a friend of mine how I felt about a situation, I told someone else that I loved them, I told someone else that I didn't like what they had done… I faced the truth, just like I faced the truth of my marriage.
And finally through all the pain, and tears came calmness… (I think mainly because I have run out of water in the pipe and it's now like a leaky tap), but there came this calmness. An understanding that I am in control of MY life and its up to me to make ME happy. As I walked the dogs this evening, I thought about conversations I have had, situations I was in, and people I surrounded myself with, and I wouldn't change a thing, as it's made me stronger and face situations and my emotions.
Through the pain came inspiration, like a bright sun that shone through the misty clouds in the sky… the inspiration flowed and flowed and I became one with it. Another sign I needed, my piano books arrived and I spent hours at the piano, playing and singing songs that were important to me, I wrote some of my book, and I trusted my heart.
So what I take from this, is that we have to deal with things head on, we have to focus on our emotions at the time and not sweep them under the carpet. We have to deal with situations head on, because if you don't it will be so much worse later on when it all surfaces… like mine did… the emotional outburst, that I thought would never stop.
Now don't get me wrong it's not finished and I am going to carry this through until tomorrow New Years Eve, where I will be spending time on my own with pictures, letters, emails, songs and many other things that i need to release and I promised I would release them… I will read them all, and fill my heart with love for the people, the situation or circumstance, but tomorrow in front of the fire, at the stroke of midnight I will have a glass of champagne, I will be wearing a certain piece of jewelry and be playing certain songs on my ipod, I will release everything into the fire, just like I released my wedding rings in to the ocean, and I will look up to the brightest star in the sky, and toast to new memories with love and hope in my heart and I will keep the faith... That's All...
Happy New Year, and I will be back next year...
With trust, friendship and lots of love
Lisa xx
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