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How do you overcome loss?

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How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:25

15 Jan, 2008

WINDOW PAINS
David T. Kerry

www.windowpains.org

How Do You Do? (David T. Kerry)

How do you describe an empty heart
Or a mind that will not sleep?
How do you measure the depth of pain
Or the volume of tears that weep?

How do you find new direction
When life's compass has no reference points?
How do you energise listless limbs
With death's arthritic joints?

How do you see the future
Through a lens of opaque glass?
How do you reconcile her name
On a plaque of tarnished brass?

How do you rekindle interest
In a life that was complete?
How you overcome loss and pain
And the desire for social retreat?

How do you explain to those you know
The pretence that you have to project?
How do you smile when expected to
But your facial muscles object?

How do you trust a God you once knew
Or the power of goodness and prayer?
How do you put your faith in his hands
When those hands threw the switch of despair?

How do you absorb the colours of Spring
Through eyes that see only black?
How do you control the endless pain
Of wishing she was back?


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:27

15 Jan, 2008

How DO you ...

How do you begin to try and answer the heart-rendering questions that scream from the depths of those left grieving and abandoned in their loss when those they have lived with, loved and treasured are torn from their lives and hearts for ever?

How do you address the tidal emotions of loss, abandonment, disbelief, fear, anger, solitude and despair?

How do you ever hope to fill the gaping chasm left in the hearts and souls of those that remain?

With tiny steps, little by little the explanations and answers will start to find their way, with the help of those that are gone. If we truly believe that those that have left us are not gone from us forever - and there are many ways in which they strive to reach us to strengthen this belief ...

~ ~ ~ ~

This little verse is on my mother's memorial card, who passed away 22 years ago. I think it says it all:

TOGETHERNESS

Death is nothing at all - I have only slipped away into the next room. Whatever we were to each other that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before - only better, infinitely happier and for ever.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:29

23 Jan, 2008

Beautiful words.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:30

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there... I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow...
I am the diamond glints on snow...
I am the sunlight on ripened grain...
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you waken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of gentle birds in circling flight...
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry—
I am not there... I did not die...
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:31

THE BROKEN CHAIN - Author Unknown

We little knew that morning that God would call your name,
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:32

The Glen o' Weeping ©
The massacre of Glencoe, February 13th 1692
Josephine Duthie (Aberdeen, Scotland, 2001)

An' eerie hush is waitin'
fer the risin' o' the sun.
There's bluid aroon the hooses
an' a plaid steeps in the burn.
Nae bairnies' lauchter ringin'
in the wind that blaws ootside.
Nae smell o' bubblin' porridge
fer the men fa came tae bide.

The King had sent an order
fer the chiefs tae gither gear,
an' ging tae Inverary
wi' a pledge o' loyalty.
The auld McDonald chieftain
set aboot gye late that day,
an' didna mak the deidline
an' fer this his clan wid pay.

An' army fae Fort William
marched doon intae the glen.
They bade fer nigh a fortnicht,
those freenly Campbells men.
It wisna till the evenin'
o' their last remainin' day,
wir sodgers geen the reason
fit wye they'd come tae stay.

Tae mawl the wives an' bairnies
o' the men fa took them in,
wis deid agin' a' principles
o' mony heighlin' men.
An' jist afore the sunrise
fan the shout ran oot tae slay.
a puckle o' those sodgers
gart a few o' them tae flee.

An' since that day in Winter
in the Glen o' Weepin' still,
a chill hangs o'er the valley
an' a mist clings tae the hill.
An' eerie hush aye waiting
fer the risin' o' the sun
far the ghaists o' Clan McDonald
haunt anither day's return.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by elly on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:34

13 Feb, 2008

this was on my mums last may

god saw you getting tired mum
a cure was not to be
so he put his arms around you and whispered 'come with me'
a beautiful heart stopped beating
hard working hands at rest
he broke our hearts to prove to us
he only takes the best Sad
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:37

Legend has it that the murdered (including children) of the clan really do return every 13th February to haunt Glencoe.
The circumstances of the massacre were abominable and it rightly holds its place amongst the most shameful and unjust acts ever committed. This is an important part of British history and many books/articles have been written about it.
Bless the silent ranks of departed souls watching in the Glen o'Weeping.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:38

The Massacre of Glencoe
Cruel is the snow that sweeps Glencoe and covers the grave of Donald
And cruel was the foe that raped Glencoe and murdered the house of Macdonald.

They came in the blizzard we offered them heat
a roof o'er their heads, dry shoes for their feet
We wined them and dined them they ate all our meat
and they slept in the house of Macdonald

(chorus)
oh cruel is the snow that sweeps Glencoe
and covers the grave of Donald
and cruel was the foe that raped Glencoe
and murdered the house of Macdonald

They came from Fort William with murder in mind
the Campbell had orders King William had signed
Let all to the sword, these words underlined
and leave none alive called Macdonald

(chorus)

They came in the night when the men were asleep
This band from Argyle through snows often deep
Like murdering foxes among helpless sheep
They slaughtered the house of Macdonald

(chorus)

Some died in their beds at the hand of the foe
Some fled in the night or were lost in the snow
Some lived to accuse him what struck the first blow
But gone was the house of Macdonald

(chorus)
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:41

The Massacre of Glencoe

At the end of the 17th Century, Scotland was divided. One side supported the Royalist cause and King William III of England (also known as William of Orange), while the other was busy planning an insurrection. Plans to quieten the Highlands were hatched in 1690 by the Earl of Cromarty with the support of Lord Breadalbane. Although these plans were abandoned, the intention to subdue the Highlanders remained until 1691, when sums of money were offered to the chiefs as a bribe. This tactic was largely unsuccessful.

Breadalbane, originally from the clan Argyll Campbell, was a lifelong enemy of the clan Glencoe MacDonald. Both these clans accused each other of stealing land which they believed they were entitled to. Breadalbane proclaimed to support William (the stronger, more successful side) while secretly professing to support the exiled King James II. He tried to persuade the Highland clans to join him in their support, giving them time to prepare their support to King James. However, the chiefs were reluctant, and stronger measures were taken. One by one, the chiefs complied with the threats of 'letters of fire and sword' and swore allegiance to the government. MacDonald was the last of these chiefs to agree.

... the clan Donald must be rooted out.

Because of this delayed deliberation, it was decided, by Sir John Dalrymple, that an example would be made of the MacDonalds. On 31 December, 1691, MacDonald attempted to sign the oath of allegiance, but with his fate already decreed, it was already too late.

The Massacre

120 men, under the command of a Captain Campbell of Glenlyon, made their way to Glencoe, under the pretence of collecting tax in arrears. They persuaded MacDonald to give them shelter, producing military documents as proof. Glenlyon's niece was also married to Alexander MacDonald, which gave further vindication to the nature of their visit.

On the 12 February a dispatch was made, ordering the immediate death of the MacDonalds. Early in the morning (around five), the soldiers made their move. No MacDonald was intended to survive. However, a few escaped into the hills upon the discovery of Glenlyon's treachery to his host.

All men under the age of 70 were supposed to be killed, but due to the adverse weather and the added advantage of being forewarned of the carnage taking place on the other side of the hill, 200 men managed to escape the massacre. Women and children were thrown out of their homes to find shelter elsewhere.

The Aftermath

The massacre of Glencoe reflected badly against the reigning King, William III, as it appeared to have been a decision resulting from his command. It was decided, three years after the incident that it had nothing to do with the King and the matter quietened. In the meantime, the MacDonalds were almost destroyed, returning to their homes poverty-stricken. Due to the clan's conduct in the aftermath, the King chose to recompense the surviving family members.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:42

Melancolia and Nostalgia walk hand in hand
surrounded by the ghosts whose blood was shed
their eyes reflect sorrow, their tears fall on the land
to soak in turn the turf where loved-ones bled.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:43

Remember :

Auschwitz and Dachau

Bergen-Belsen, Treblinka, and many more ...
the last journey for thousands, millions, many of them children ... we must not forget ...
Never Again.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:45

elly wrote:

this was on my mums last may

god saw you getting tired mum
a cure was not to be
so he put his arms around you and whispered 'come with me'
a beautiful heart stopped beating
hard working hands at rest
he broke our hearts to prove to us
he only takes the best Sad
Did you write this yourself, Elly, it's so touching, it went straight to my heart.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:46

My mum always had a saying "God always takes the good first".

When my mum left us that saying tore at my dad's heart so savagely that his heart gave in, and seven months later he joined her in paradise. Now they have shown us that they are both together again, happy and free. We (the family) know this because many's the time they have returned, together, to let us know that their love lives on with us and they are around us constantly, lovingly protecting each one of us and giving us the courage to get on with our lives until it's time for all of us to be together again.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Voldsgaard on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:49

17 Feb, 2008



Spiritual Reality

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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:51

In loving memory of Mammy and Aunty Nora

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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:56

Mothers Are a Special Gift by Faye Diane Kilday

Mothers are a special gift sent from God above,
They bless us with their nurturing, and fill us with their love.
They pick us up when we are down, and when we're sad they know,
They're always there to lend a hand, and guide us as we go.
And mothers are like special jewels that can't be bought or sold…
a mother's love's more precious than the rarest gem or gold.
Yes, mothers are a special gift sent from God above,
And we'll be blessed forever with their never ending love!

© Faye Kilday 1996


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:57

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers
by Emily Dickinson (1891)

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:58


Hold on to what is good, even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe, even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do, even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to Life, even when it is easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand, even when I have gone away from you.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 04:59

Life is beautiful, my child

Life is beautiful, my child,
Though many things go wrong,
And you may hear much sadness in
Its strange and lovely song.

Though friends and loved ones die, my child,
They're never really gone.
Nor more nor less than yesterday,
In you they will live on.

They will live on in you, my child,
As everything you see,
Though it must vanish, will remain
Alive in memory.

Alive in what you think and feel
And dream and say and do,
For all who ever were still are
Upon this earth in you.


(Copyright Nicholas Gordon, Philosophical Poems for Free)


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:01

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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by liz on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:03

Oh cruel is the snow that sweeps Glencoe
And covers the grave o' Donald
And cruel was the foe that raped Glencoe
And murdered the house o' MacDonald

They came through the blizzard, we offered them heat
A roof ower their heads, dry shoes for their feet
We wined them and dined them, they ate o' our meat
And slept in the house O' MacDonald


They came from Fort William with murder mind
The Campbell had orders, King William had signed
Pit all tae the sword, these words underlined
And leave none alive called MacDonald


They came in the night when the men were asleep
That band of Argyles, through snow soft and deep.
Like murdering foxes, among helpless sheep
They slaughtered the house o' MacDonald


Some died in their beds at the hands of the foe
Some fled in the night, were lost in the snow.
Some lived to accuse him, what struck the first blow
But gone was the house of MacDonald

this was sung by the Corries,It always makes the hairs on my kneck stand up when I hear it sung.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:04

Hi Liz - I already have a video posted on the forum some time back of the Corries singing 'The Massacre of Glencoe'!
Trying to find it, but it's lost in the threads somewhere.
I love The Corries and I love Glencoe ~ one of my favourite places in the world - have posted about it somewhere too.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by liz on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:05



will have a look at back threads,cant even say I'm blonde anymore either.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:07

ha ha
Found it! It's in this thread anyway! (Words of Inspiration)
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by liz on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:08

cant believe how thick I am sometimesRolling Eyes
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:10

Bless you Liz, you're so sweet, and reading the poem again still brought a tear to my eye. 

We'd all need phenomenal memories not to reproduce material already posted on one of the forums,
it's impossible to read everything or to remember it all, even our own posts !


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:11

He is Gone’ by David Harkins

You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:12

That's a really comforting poem,Stardust. Thank you for posting it. Smile


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:16

Had this song on an old '45 (anyone remember them?!) I wore it out from playing it way back then:

HONEY ~ by Bobby Goldsboro

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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:24

and another of my old time favourites

I BELIEVE - sung by The Bachelors

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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:27

My spirit wanders among the stars at night while the moon kisses me in greeting, for we have been friends forever.
My spirit walks among the trees at daytime, the sun warming my face and the wind gently caressing my cheeks.
My spirit mingles with and dances among the spirits of all my loved ones, especially those who have crossed to the other side, so that 'loss' becomes merely a word and no longer the deep sadness of separation.

The forums are wonderful in helping to overcome grief, they allow us to share our feelings and support one another, so that we hold hands across the virtual spaces and advance in our spiritual quest together.
But sometimes... solitude is the only comfort after the shock of losing somebody. Once that first tidal wave has ebbed, we know that there is a warm welcome waiting and friendly words at the ready to greet and offer comfort.



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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:28

You are a truly beautiful soul, Stardust. No wonder we missed you so much.


May the soft glow of the gentle moon
Light your way at night
And through each day, along your way,
May an angel hold you tight.
May sunbeams dance to warm your heart
And keep it free from sorrow,
May Love and Beauty you surround
Throughout all your tomorrows


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:30

Those words are so lovely, Feather. Thank you.

Here is a feather just for you:

__


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:31

I have a bout of melancolia today.
Sometimes there are days when grief sits on my shoulder and whispers softly in my ear of days long gone and loved-ones now departed from this Earth. A deep sigh wells up from my heart where the pain of loss weighs heavy.
It is not always easy to stay cheerful.
But in general my mind soon fills with happy memories and smiling faces. They know how to overcome my gloom. I can almost hear them saying: "Come on, you know in your heart and soul that we're still here around you, that one day you'll join us and we'll be together again".
I find my throat constricting, but my heart feels lighter, and though a tear glistens in my eye, a smile captures my lips and I resign myself to patient waiting.
Some days seem to contain a whole lifetime in just a few hours and it can seem like such a long wait ahead.
But then I find a year has passed in what seems like a moment.
Time and space are completely unfathomable.
May our eyes remain open to the beauty of the world we live in and a brighter horizon soon appear.
We are all in this together, my friends, let no one of you ever feel that he/she is alone.
If you are feeling sad today, join hands with me, and we will find a virtual comfort in shared loss.
May blessings touch your soul with love and lift your spirit, and in so doing may it lift mine too.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:32

I am proud to "walk beside you", Stardust. What you said in the above post brought a tear to my eye too. I am with you
in sadness and in joy. I truly believe our paths were destined to cross--maybe not physically but in the sphere of mind and soul.
Your words always set up an echo in my heart. Thank you, my friend.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:34

Count me in on that also. I'm walking with you both - especially in this month of September.  Crying or Very sad Thank you dear friends for being there when it matters most.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:35

You are well and truly counted in, Candlelight.Love, Feather.xxxxxx




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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:37

September is a month packed full of memories for me, good and bad, happy and sad. A month of beginnings and endings, to remember, to forget.

4th September was my dear mother's birthday. 16th September the anniversary of her passing - may she rest in peace. 14th September I got married (what seems like another lifetime now), 24th September I divorced (not the same year!) Some in betweens, I could go on .. but these are the memories that come to the surface this time of the year.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:47

02 Sep, 2008

You'll be able to add a good memory this month, if that's a consolation, Candlelight.
I believe you'll be one of the Doncaster belles ? very happy


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:50

Good morning, Candlelight. Sad times and happy times for you all in one month. You'll be feeling a roller coaster of
emotions--not easy to deal with. I'm thinking about you and sending love and hugs. You have October to look
forward to, remember. You'll be surrounded by love then.xxxxx.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:52

A Child Loaned (Anonymous)

"I'll lend you for a little time
a child of mine" he said.
"for you to love the while he lives
and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven year
or twenty-two or three,
but will you till I call him back
take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you
and should his stay be brief,
you'll have his lovely memories
as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
since all from Earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there
I want the child to learn.
I've looked this wide world over
in my search for teacher's true,
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
nor think the labour vain,
nor hate me when I come to call
and take him back again?

I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, they will be done,
for all the joy thy child shall bring,
for the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
we'll love him while we may,
and for the happiness we've known,
forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
much sooner than we planned,
we'll brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand."



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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:53

I love that poem, Starlight.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:55

Stardust, did you have a different one there and then replaced it - or am I going mad?  Rolling Eyes (second thoughts - don't answer that  lol )

This poem 'A Child Loaned' I've seen before, and find quite upsetting. To lose a child must surely be the most terrible of griefs. We expect and are prepared in part to say goodbye to our parents, possibly siblings and peers, but it must be the hardest thing for any parent to have to bury a child.

Then to be expected somehow to accept that "it was meant" ...
The poem I'm sure is perhaps meant to ease the burden for some, but I just see a cruel harshness in it which if it were addressed to me I would find very hard to understand and certainly wouldn't agree with the last verse.
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 05:57

I think that poem must have been written by someone who has not lost a child
in whatever circumstances. I can read it and find beauty but not everyone would feel the same.
For a mother grieving for a child it would cut deep and cause tears to flow.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 06:00

Please delete the post and the following three (this one included) attaining to it, Candlelight, since you and Feather both feel it is too harsh.
I hate the idea that anyone would be upset by it.
I don't think I posted another one, but this week I keep muddling up my posts so it may be.
I'll find something else to post instead.
Thanks for removing asap. very happy


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 06:02

Oh good grief, no, Stardust! I've no intention of deleting it and hope my post didn't come across in that meaning.
I was merely commenting on my view of that poem, looking at it in a different way. As Feather says, it's obviously written by someone who has lost a child, and possibly their way of coming to terms with their loss. It just wouldn't be my way, that's all. That's what I meant. Smile
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Feather on Sun 28 May 2017, 06:05

If you read my post again, Candlelight, you'll see that I said-"someone who has not lost a child".
I feel that anyone who has suffered that particular bereavement wouldn't have written it in that way.

I agree. Starlight, we don't want the poem to be deleted. That would be a great loss to this thread.


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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Candlelight.kk on Sun 28 May 2017, 06:16

Embarassed So, you did, Feather. I guess I didn't read your post properly (my mind is a bit distracted at present) 

btw - I thought it was Stardust that put the original post ... Is Starlight a new member here?
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Re: How do you overcome loss?

Post by Stardust on Sun 28 May 2017, 06:20

Not forgetting Candledust.  Mr. Green Hmm, perhaps not...


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