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understanding

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lynneandjohn
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understanding

Post by lynneandjohn on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:02 pm

06 May 2008 09:32 pm

since the passing of my husband i have been trying to understand this life we live and the meaning of it all. don't wish to sound to deep but it is how i feel.
i see the world totally different since his passing in the way that life is so frajile and one(my hubby) can cease to exist in the blink of an eye whilst another(myself) continues.
we never stop to think i guess of death much and it is still inconceivable to me that it has touched my husband.having always believed in the spirit world i knew instinctively he still existed and was there but to place him there personally has been very hard. i can place him on the moon but in another dimension however beautiful is unfathomable as he was such a down to earth, happy and full of life man.
i feel like i live in another world myself now not just because of the grief but because of the experience of how temporary this life is.
i see through different eyes and want to understand more of what i am here for and why. i have a big question mark inside me all the time and feel like i am on the verge of something but can't quite reach it.
am i making any sense or am i losing it  lol lol .
just wondered if anyone else can relate to any of this so i can feel a bit normal again.
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lar-lar
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Re: understanding

Post by lar-lar on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:04 pm

07 May 2008 04:09 pm

It is understandable why you are having these questions and perfectly normal.There are only our own answers.I have a friend,just now able to cope without the loss of her mother 4 yrs ago.It changed her-not for worse,or better,just made her,like you,realise how fragile life is.Her mother passed in early sixties and quite unexpectedly,from diagnosis of leukemia to passing only a few weeks later-it was a shock to the core of her and quite heartbreaking to witness in the first couple of years,the depression was terrible for her.I cannot imagine losing a partner you love so much and reading of love and strength is humbling to me and actually reading what you have written lynne about your John in the past is so beautiful and has made me rethink about my love for my children-of course i love them but you have helped me in realising again how precious life is and because of you i give them even more love-others also who have expressed about their loved ones,so many ive come across now who have shaped me for the better,and they are on this forum too!

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lynneandjohn
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Re: understanding

Post by lynneandjohn on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:05 pm

07 May 2008 07:17 pm

lar, i just don't know what to say.you really are a lovely forum friend.
life does throw things at us and to learn is what it is all about we know. i guess the feelings i have are normal, being a deep thinker i do analize. you can't go through losing someone so close and it not change you really. i am a different person now in some ways, part of you dies with them and the old you is gone. i always new i was lucky to have john and still feel blessed to have loved and been loved by him,and of course still are. i guess i'm trying to understand what life is all about like the rest of us when faced with losing a loved one. this life is all we know and we don't think much beyond this.
your words have so lifted me and i will endeavour to accept we don't always have the answers but accept the joys of today. thanks laraine, luv lynne
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Re: understanding

Post by Feather on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:07 pm

07 May 2008 10:41 pm

Hi, lynne. I want you to know that I can relate perfectly to what you say. My world has totally changed as well. Forget about the alcoholism
because it never features in my thoughts now. I so terribly miss the real Morris(as I call him) because he was my rock for most of my life. We met when we were very young, love blossomed and remained with us through thick and thin till the end(and beyond). Even yet sometimes I can't take in the fact that he's gone from me.He's left behind a huge chasm which no-one can fill. Often when I get up in the morning the world takes on a greyness which it never did before---even in the worst times---as I knew that the drinking binge would end we would be together in a real sense again(until the next time, of course).Now is so much worse . I'm like you in that I'm trying to make sense of it all.Please don't despair but journey on with me. We shall know everything one day. Love, Feather.


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lynneandjohn
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Re: understanding

Post by lynneandjohn on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:08 pm

08 May 2008 11:14 am

thanks feather, it is comforting when someone understands through the same experience(though you would not wish it on anyone). i still feel like i live in an alternate reality as losing john is very unnatural though of course death is very natural. losing my nana and dad was different, i guess there is an order to things you think and you accept that more.
the greyness in the morning you speak of i know too well. a real effort to face the day. there are times i do smile and laugh with my children and i am so blessed to have 3 amazing kids, but the emptiness never leaves you, that part only your hubby can fill.
the restlessness is always there, that searching inside for them. i know you will understand this too. i take one day at a time now and enjoy the small things in life. it's amazing how hearing a bird sing can lift you and make you smile.
thanks for understanding luv lynne
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Re: understanding

Post by Feather on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:09 pm

08 May 2008 11:53 am

You are right about the pleasure anything to do with nature in her mildest form can bring to a troubled heart.
Like you, I am so very thankful for my 2 sons. They treat me like a china doll!!! I couldn't wish for better.
I have a friend who's not so lucky. Her husband passed last October but her son and daughter both live in Aberdeen.
They seem to want very little to do with her so her heart has been broken twice. She's still in the throes of grief for
her hubby and then she has to suffer the awful reaction of her kids. We are blessed, lynne. Love, Feather.


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lynneandjohn
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Re: understanding

Post by lynneandjohn on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:10 pm

08 May 2008 01:33 pm

how awful for her, we must remember her in our HHH and hope it is recieved. we are very fortunate to not be alone. lynne
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Re: understanding

Post by Candlelight.kk on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:12 pm

08 May 2008 07:07 pm

You are indeed, girls. And Feather, I think your friend must be very fortunate also to have a friend such as you.
True friends are indeed a treasure to cherish in life, those who share in our misfortunes as well as our happy times.
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lar-lar
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Re: understanding

Post by lar-lar on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:13 pm

20 May 2008 01:38 am

some flowers are due for you all..

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Re: understanding

Post by Feather on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:14 pm

20 May 2008 09:49 am

Thank you,lar-lar, for the flowers but more so for the kind thought that led you to post them. Smile xxx.


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lynneandjohn
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Re: understanding

Post by lynneandjohn on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:15 pm

20 May 2008 03:08 pm

ta laraine, you know we love flowers don't you. very nice gesture and much appreciated luv lynne
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Re: understanding

Post by Candlelight.kk on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:18 pm

20 May 2008 09:54 pm

Thank you for our lovely bouquet, lar-lar. x

I did read somewhere that yellow flowers are to say you're sorry or to ask for forgiveness Smile What have you done?  lol Whatever it is, we forgive you .... (actually I think that just relates to roses, though. Red are for love, pink ? white? can't remember now - must look it up).

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Re: understanding

Post by spiritlinker on Fri 12 May 2017, 5:20 pm

22 May 2008 12:44 pm

lynneandjohn wrote:
since the passing of my husband i have been trying to understand this life we live and the meaning of it all. don't wish to sound to deep but it is how i feel.
i see the world totally different since his passing in the way that life is so frajile and one(my hubby) can cease to exist in the blink of an eye whilst another(myself) continues.
we never stop to think i guess of death much and it is still inconceivable to me that it has touched my husband.having always believed in the spirit world i knew instinctively he still existed and was there but to place him there personally has been very hard. i can place him on the moon but in another dimension however beautiful is unfathomable as he was such a down to earth, happy and full of life man.
i feel like i live in another world myself now not just because of the grief but because of the experience of how temporary this life is.
i see through different eyes and want to understand more of what i am here for and why. i have a big question mark inside me all the time and feel like i am on the verge of something but can't quite reach it.
am i making any sense or am i losing it  lol lol .
just wondered if anyone else can relate to any of this so i can feel a bit normal again.

I can relate to what you are saying, having experienced a number of losses over the years. What you are feeling is normal. I think there is something about losing someone who we are close to, that forces us to reevaluate our lives, and look at the meaning and purpose of our lives. As you point out, life is fragile. I see it as temporary and uncertain. We know that we are going to die, but do not know when and how. Well, okay some mediums do, but you know what I mean.

Of course your world will be different with your grief, and what you are feeling is normal. I can only imagine how painful it must feel. I don't think you are losing it at all.

Something that I found useful to read when I was dealing with similar questions, and which gave me some consolation was the Tibetan book of living and dying by Sogyal Rinpoche.

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